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midnight

Avatar is my rainbow bridge baby Ebony
Supporter
So a dinosaur goes for a walk and he comes across a magic lamp. He picks it up and rubs it and a genie appears. "I will give you three wishes" says the genie

Dinosaur thinks then says "I want a shower of meat" genie makes it happen

Dinosaur then says "I want a second shower of meat bigger than the first" so the genie makes it rain meat even heavier

Dinosaur then sees the meat version of pound signs and shouts out "I want a MEATIER shower" so the genie, misunderstanding him, then makes it rain METEORS (spelling)
 

Lee

Administrator
Staff member
Admin Team
A grasshopper sits down at a bar. The bartender says, "We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper replies, "Who names a drink 'Steve?'"
 

Dogwood

Member
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop!

Yes I know, super lame. My friends know me as the king of lame jokes.
 
Did you know that the Secret Service can no longer tell the President to get down in the event of an attack?









Now they have to yell "Donald! Duck!"

donald duck sleeping GIF
 

kuyenmotdivad

New member
THE SINGLES BAR
A bashful man goes into a singles bar on Valentine's Day night and notices a beautiful woman sitting alone at a table. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, "Would you mind if I buy you a drink?"
She responds by shouting, "No, I won't sleep with you!"
Everyone in the pub is now staring at them. Naturally, the man is embarrassed and walks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologises. She smiles at him and says, "I'm really sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
The man slams his glass on the table and shouts, "No, I won't pay £200!"​
 

kuyenmotdivad

New member
Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Q: Why is a condom a bit like a seat belt?
A: Because wearing one makes the ride much safer.

Q: What's got 90 balls and makes women sweat?
A: Bingo.

Q: Why are married men fatter than single men?
A: Single men come home, look in the fridge and go to bed. Married men come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.


PS - is it a adult forum as if so, I won't post some of the rude jokes?
 
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kuyenmotdivad

New member
WHALE OF A TIME
A male and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship.
The male whale recognised it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He says to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air hole at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink."
They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realised the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore.
The male whale was enraged that they were going to get away and shouts to the female, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore!"
At this point, he realised the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.
She says, "Look... I went along with the blowjob, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."​
 

kuyenmotdivad

New member
Q: Why does Laura Bush always have to go on top?
A: Because George Bush can only **** up.

Q: Why did god create Adam before Eve?
A: To give Adam a chance to speak.

Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A: A widow.

Q: Who's the best goalkeeper in the country?
A: Johnny Durex - he saves 99 per cent of all shots.

Q: What do you call a randy dwarf?
A: A low blow.
 

kuyenmotdivad

New member
SISTER ACT
A devout nun goes to her local GP feeling sick and is shocked when the doctor tells her she's pregnant.
The following day the knocked-up lady of god storms into the monastery where the monks live and asks, "Right, which of you dirty bastards has been masturbating over the candles?"​
 

kuyenmotdivad

New member
Q: Why are women like condoms?
A: They spend 99% of their time in your wallet and the other 1% on your ****.

Q: What does a Gynaecologist have in common with a pizza delivery boy?
A: They can both smell it, but can't eat it.

Q: What's the link between an army drill sergeant and a flasher?
A: They both spend lots of time with their privates on parade.

Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell, she has a grenade in her mouth.

Q: How do you get four suits for a pound?
A: Buy a pack of cards.
 
OP
midnight

midnight

Avatar is my rainbow bridge baby Ebony
Supporter
What did the policeman's son get in trouble for at bedtime? Resisting a rest (resisting arrest)
 

Dave

Member
A travelling salesman is driving through the countryside and is feeling peckish and wants some food. He sees a pub and drives up to it. As he enters the pub, he sees a chalk board stating, "Make the Donkey laugh win £1000". He goes in has a meal and asks the bartender "what's with the Donkey challenge". The bartender explains they have the most miserable Donkey in the county and numerous people have tried to make it laugh and failed. The salesman asks, "may I try?" The bartender agrees and tells the salesman the Donkey is out back. Within a few minutes the Donkey is laughing and laughing. The salesman goes back into the pub and a stunned bartender hands him an envelope with the £1000 in it and the salesman leaves.

A few months later the salesman is back along the same road and remembers he had a satisfying meal at the pub last time he was in this area. He drives up to the pub and as he walks in, he sees the chalk board again stating, "Make the Donkey cry win £1000". After his meal, the salesman asks the bartender, "What's with the sign saying make the Donkey cry"? The bartender explains that a few months ago someone make the Donkey laugh and it hasn't stopped laughing since. The salesman asks if he can have a go at making the Donkey cry and he points out back. Within a few minutes the Donkey is crying its eyes out. The stunned bartender hands over the envelope with £1000 in it to the salesman and suddenly he remembers it was the same salesman that made the Donkey laugh a few months ago.

The bartender asks, "You were the salesman that made the Donkey laugh, how did you do it?" The salesman leans across the bar and tells the bartender "I whispered in the Donkeys ear that my willie was bigger than his and he started laughing". The bartender then asks the salesman "So, how did you make the Donkey cry?" With wry grin on his face, the salesman tells the bartender "I showed it!"
 

Lee

Administrator
Staff member
Admin Team
Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Q: Why is a condom a bit like a seat belt?
A: Because wearing one makes the ride much safer.

Q: What's got 90 balls and makes women sweat?
A: Bingo.

Q: Why are married men fatter than single men?
A: Single men come home, look in the fridge and go to bed. Married men come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.


PS - is it a adult forum as if so, I won't post some of the rude jokes?
16+ Forum :)
 
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