[missozzy]

well, on friday my man had a phonecall offering him a six week contract working in cardiff. he'd have to live away while he works cos its nearly a 5 hour drive from here.
he has to leave the night before my birthday. My birthday is a massive trigger for anxiety cos of the housefire a few years back. my twino is also away for it.
well its not so much the birthday worrying me, but the constant lonliness. I've recently moved to a new area, have to get buses to mums (dont like buses they make me panic) and even a few hours on my own gets my brain ticking.
I'm almost 25, should be able to handle it. The money is worth too much to is though for him not to go. its a hell of a lot and more in six weeks than hes earned in about 5 months.

I've been managing the self harm well lately, cos the thought of him being next door is a good enough though to stop me even when i'm flipping. Not gonna have that thought and gonna be a hell of alot more anxcious.

no solution problems again.
and no help available that helps with this god damn anxiety. I hate it.

[Raven]

hey, I know this is going to be a hard time for you and i have my fingers crossed it will go okay i am sure it will.

I know its tough to be alone and i struggle with it as well, but i believe you can do it and get through it. You can be strong it will be okay it will all be good

[bloo]

I totally feel for you. My husband went to Afghanistan because we needed the money. It sucked big time. I hope you'll be okay and be able to handle things on your own. I know how hard it is. (((hugs)))

[missozzy]

just terrified is all.
been feeling down and out of late anyway. anxiety is like a constant flutter in my chest like every second of the day. work is crap. home life is crap. had to put up with exams, which is crap and ptsd flashbacks thick and fast.
my mum said before i can go stay there for a few nights if i get too stressed. my twin is away so his room will be free for 2 weeks and even when he's back he's got a sofa bed in there also so options for the week times when i'm not working.
he'spromising me a hol in sept with the money when he comes back. much needed tbh. i've had enough of day to day stuff atm and need a break.

well back to work tomo.
at least a distraction though i'm finding it hard to keep the team motivated atm and its real stressful anyway so not a healthy distraction.

hope this migrane goes away. think it may be the physical side of how crap i feel showing through. it always hits like this.