[Crimson]

I am scared, determined, strong, intelligent, compassionate, heartbroken, beaten, loved, beautiful, ugly, extraoridnary, unique, free spirited, amazing. I am spreading my broken wings. I am healing. I am Hallie, in all my broken and battered beauty, and I will live despite this illness, I will fight stigma and judgement, I will admit when I am ill and I will fight to get better, I will focus not on the dirt beneath and the gray sky above, but on the future that holds golden sand and azure sky reflecting on oceans. I will understand that mental illness can be as limiting as physical illness, and that it is as trapping to be mentally ill as it is to be limited to a wheelchair. I will live despite all that wills me not to, and I will see my life as an accomplishment, no matter what the circumstance. I am alive, and that is more than could ever be asked of me considering what I have endured. I will not give up now because now is not the end, and I will continue to breathe even when it seems impossible. I am strong. And I am never alone.

This post has been edited by Crimson: 08 July 2010 - 09:59 PM

[Tessaroo]

This was me about 5 years ago except I wasnt lucky enough to have a boyfriend and low behold im single still at (almost) 22.

I chose to give up on medication along time ago, I am a strong believer in that medication cannot solve lifes problems. Life alone can solve ones problem by change.
You need to look at the way you're thinking, you need to turn it around so you dont reflect upon your negatives.
The only way I pulled myself free from depression + anixety was looking at my life as a whole and putting my foot down on negativity.

I am the first to admit this is a difficult task to do and believe me I have some terrible days where all I want to do is curl up and sleep for a thousand years, but somehow I still manage to get up every morning and move forward.

Use your boyfriend to your advantage, allow him to be nice to you, give you compliments dont throw them back in his face, think about them or write them down so when you get anxious/panicky you can look back at them and go hey somebody loves me because..and read what he may have said to you at some point you didnt believe him.

I hope this somewhat helps

[Jenniflower]

I totally agree with Tessaroo on this one. This was me a few months ago! (although, I too don't have a boyfriend to help me out, and no friends here at uni to help me out). However, through one person saying something nice to me I have tried to rethink my thinking and getting back on track. 6 months down the line I am no longer on any medication, and feel brilliant for it. Before, I wasn't going out, I didn't talk to anyone, kept myself locked in my room wanting to sleep but unable to because panic took over, now, I'm not the perfect recovery story, I still have my moments, but I am a LOT better.

Try to think one positive thing a day. And I know you don't believe in the breathing or lavender oil, but breathing really has helped me, ok so yes it helps me best when I'm just beginning to feel myself get a bit panicky, but by doing so I am stopping myself from getting any worse.

You have to keep going, you obviously want to get better. You need to start believing in yourself (I know that this may seem near on impossible) but you have got to try. Try and think positive.

Best wishes and many hugs

[Swannie]

Hallie

[Crimson]

You all are so lovely and I wish I had something of brilliance to say right now but words can't express my gratitude, I don't have support from anyone who understands which is why I am here, and it is such a unique and treasured feeling

[lonerz]

Regardless how safe it feels, a boyfriends family picnic can be stressful and bring it on. Often it is a an overload of stressors that pile up until a last little one tips it off. Going on a holiday can be stimulus that adds to the stress even though it is a good stress. Need a quiet safe room, safe place to just be... if that is possible. I know it has helped others and family who have had the same issues... just had to slow down on new things and going out, etc. You have been a bit busy lately, I think? Anyways, you are a dear person and I hope it subsides for you. What you feel right now might not be all of how life is. I find that true many times. HUGS

[Crimson]

Thank you

[Swannie]

Crimson, on 04 July 2010 - 02:40 AM, said:

I will live despite all that wills me not to, and I will see my life as an accomplishment, no matter what the circumstance. I am alive, and that is more than could ever be asked of me considering what I have endured. I will not give up now because now is not the end, and I will continue to breathe even when it seems impossible. I am strong. And I am never alone.

You are a beautiful soul, and nothing and no one will stop you from soaring.

[Songbird]

Sending lots of hugs to you, Hallie

[Crimson]

Thank you